ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
