I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
