I haven't been this sober since birth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
