Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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