i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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