Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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