I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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