My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
sex in a hospital.. check
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
