my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
