i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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