R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
