I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The uberlube is also flammable
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
