$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
