Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
