i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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