Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Canadian or clown?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.