you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.