ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....