Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.