Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.