Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
