I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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