You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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