Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
