Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
