The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
