I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
time to smoke my breakfast
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
