I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
