someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
