ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
