If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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