The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
