Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
