When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
