were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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