i already hear my dad disowning me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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