Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
