he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
