I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
