oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
