I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize