You smell like stripper and shame
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
