I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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