We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
