Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
