everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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