Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
