Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
