During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
