Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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