Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
