Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
