I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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