Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
