if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
