so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize