i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
People Weigh In On Whether Itâ€™s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then my night got REAL pukey
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower