I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary