If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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