did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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