If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How drunk are you?
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