i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
