I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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