take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
