Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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