Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
