thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
