New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
