Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
