Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
