dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
