I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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