dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
