No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
