who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
