His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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