tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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