I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
