Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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