I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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