went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
