It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
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i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize